Battleship
Oh dear...where to begin.
First, let's start with this: I know how bad this movie is. It's terrible. It has so many bad things going for it. For starters it actually attempts to use "Transformers" as a selling point. "From the company that brought you Transformers..." comes another summer explodeyfestival, an obscenity of cliches, CGI, worthless plot, awful characters, underdeveloped characters, lens flares and Rihanna. Everything about this movie sounds bad.
And here's the worst part: I enjoyed it.
It was awful. Yes, I will fully admit it. There were moments of dialogue where I literally laughed out loud. Which is a bit awkward when I'm the only person laughing out loud in a crowded theater full of action junkies and teenage boys in a scene of a movie that's supposed to be dramatic. I laughed. Often. I rolled my eyes, often. I sighed, I cringed, but never did I get to the point where I said, "Oh this is horrible." Because unlike "Transformers", "Battleship" actually has some decent things going for it beyond the special effects and explosions.
The best way I can describe it is that there were 5 writers assigned to this movie. 4 of them wrote all 3 "Transformers" movies and think that those movies are the best. 1 of the writers actually has some talent. It was blatantly obvious the moments from this flick that were written by that 1 writer. It was obvious the characters who were written by that writer. In the midst of the awfulness of Rihanna, and
, there were some decent characters, moments and humor.
Additionally, about halfway through the movie I was about to ask myself "Why is this movie even called 'Battleship'? It should just be called 'Aliens vs. The Navy'" and then suddenly, and in a surprisingly clever, effective and (of course) cheesy way, suddenly, there it was, this movie was "Battleship".
It's always bad when you have to apologize for liking a movie, but that's definitely how I feel about "Battleship". Like I said, so much awfulness: predictability, ridiculous plot devices where time slows down and a handful of people are capable of accomplishing things that hundreds of people couldn't, the "main" characters transitioning from
, Rihanna,
hell, even Brooklyn Decker or whatever her name is with her glorious talents, she was pretty much worthless. For that matter, even Liam f'ing Neeson was unnecessary.
Yet...a horrible movie that I enjoyed.
3 out of 5
Battleship
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